Kgaim has to follow you around for a whole 30 minutes.

TERMS AND CONDITIONS APPLY:

RENT-A-KGAIM™ ADMIN COMPANION SERVICE
EXTREMELY IMPORTANT TERMS AND CONDITIONS (PLEASE DO NOT READ, BUT ACTUALLY DO READ)

Last updated: April 1st (obviously)

By engaging, summoning, renting, borrowing, leasing, temporarily acquiring, spiritually bonding with, or otherwise interacting with a Rent-A-Kgaim™ Admin (hereafter referred to as “The Admin”, “Your Overseer”, “That One Staff Member Who Won’t Leave You Alone”, or “Gary”), you agree to the following terms, conditions, clauses, sub-clauses, hidden clauses, and vibes:

1. SERVICE DESCRIPTION

1.1 The Rent-A-Kgaim™ service provides you with one (1) semi-qualified, questionably motivated administrator to follow you around for approximately thirty (30) minutes, give or take 0–47 minutes depending on snack breaks.
1.2 “Follow you around” includes, but is not limited to:

• Standing slightly too close behind you

• Watching you mine in silence

• Offering completely unhelpful advice

• Judging your inventory choices

1.3 The Admin may or may not actually help you.

2. ADMIN BEHAVIOUR DISCLAIMER

2.1 The Admin reserves the right to:

• Wander off mid-conversation

• Get distracted by something shiny

• Start moderating someone else instead

• Forget why they were assigned to you

2.2 The Admin is not required to:

• Answer your questions correctly

• Protect you from poor life decisions

• Acknowledge your existence consistently

2.3 If the Admin begins roleplaying as a bodyguard, therapist, or motivational speaker, this is considered a “bonus feature” and not a bug.

3. TIME LIMITATIONS

3.1 The service lasts thirty (30) minutes, unless:

• The Admin forgets to leave

• You forget they are there

• Time itself loses meaning

3.2 Attempts to extend the session via bribery, compliments, or emotional manipulation may succeed but are not officially supported.

4. USER RESPONSIBILITIES

4.1 You agree not to:

• Lose the Admin

• Trade the Admin

• Rename the Admin

• Feed the Admin after midnight

4.2 You must treat the Admin with:

• Basic respect

• Mild confusion

• Occasional appreciation

4.3 If you attempt to command the Admin like a servant, they may respond by doing the opposite out of principle.

5. LIMITATION OF LIABILITY

5.1 Rent-A-Kgaim™ is not responsible for:

• Any embarrassment caused by the Admin’s presence

• Unsolicited advice

• Existential crises triggered during the session

5.2 We are especially not responsible if:

• The Admin roasts you

• The Admin becomes your friend

• The Admin becomes your enemy

6. TECHNICAL ISSUES

6.1 In the event of Admin malfunction, including but not limited to:

• Standing completely still

• Repeating the same sentence

• Disappearing into the void

…please wait 5–10 business seconds for a reboot.

6.2 If the Admin begins speaking in riddles, this is considered “working as intended.”

7. REFUNDS

7.1 There are no refunds.
7.2 There are definitely no refunds.
7.3 Stop asking.

8. TERMINATION

8.1 The Admin may terminate the session early if:

• You are too chaotic

• You are not chaotic enough

• They simply feel like it

8.2 You may terminate the session by:

• Saying “please leave”

• Logging off

• Accepting your fate

9. FINAL NOTES

9.1 This service is entirely serious and not at all an April Fools joke.*
9.2 Any resemblance to actual professionalism is purely coincidental.
9.3 By proceeding, you acknowledge that this is probably a terrible idea.

*It is absolutely an April Fools joke.

By clicking “I Agree”, you confirm that you have not read any of this, will not read any of this, and will still complain anyway.